As homophobia intensifies across the United States and social media platforms become increasingly hostile toward LGBTQ+ people, advocates say a growing number of young men are turning to secretive “down low” relationships—concealing their sexuality to navigate a society they no longer feel safe in.
Researchers and community organizations report that more young men, particularly men of color, are avoiding publicly identifying as gay or bisexual despite engaging in same-sex relationships. They describe this shift as a reaction to rising cultural tension, religious pressure, and fear of public exposure.
“This is the highest level of open hostility many of them have ever witnessed,” said Dr. Mariah Benton, a sociologist at the University of Cape Town who studies global LGBTQ youth culture. “Many young men feel there is no room in society for them to be both masculine and openly queer. The pressure to hide is immense.”
A recent report from the Center for Youth Equality found a 17% increase in harassment targeting LGBTQ adolescents and young adults. Experts say viral humiliation, cyberbullying, and peer-driven stigma have created a climate where secrecy feels safer than openness.
Overcompensation and Hypermasculinity
Advocates say the strain of hiding often leads to overcompensation—behaviors aimed at projecting traditional masculinity to deflect suspicion. While these patterns vary widely, sociologists note growing reports of risky sexual behavior, exaggerated masculine posturing, and aggression toward openly gay men.
“Some of these young men feel they must constantly prove they aren’t gay,” Benton said. “They describe engaging in hypersexual behavior with women, distancing themselves from openly gay peers, or adopting aggressive personas. These behaviors are symptoms of fear, not inherent traits.”
A DL Perspective
Malik, a 24-year-old who identifies as DL, said the performance of masculinity can become suffocating.
“You’re always trying to look straight enough,” he said. “Guys start doing things just to keep people off their trail—hooking up with women they’re not into, acting hard around queer folks, talking tough. It’s not natural. It’s survival.”
Malik said the fear of exposure has shaped nearly every aspect of his life.
“If people found out, my family would kick me out. My boys would clown me. People online are cruel. I’ve seen dudes get dragged for less,” he said. “So you hide. And the hiding starts running your whole life.”
Relationships With Women Used as Shields
Community workers also point to young men entering relationships with women—or even becoming fathers—before they feel emotionally ready. They describe it as a socially sanctioned shield that offers protection from scrutiny.
“These young men are building entire lives around hiding,” said Terrence Mays, director of Harbor Light Chicago. “It isn’t deceit—it’s desperation. They’re trying to survive in a world that still punishes queer masculinity.”
Malik says he knows several friends who felt pressured into fatherhood as a way to silence rumors.
“They wanted to stop people from questioning them,” he said. “Having a baby or a girlfriend becomes this armor. But it doesn’t fix the real issue—it just buries it.”
The Mental Toll
Mental-health professionals warn that DL secrecy often leads to isolation, depression, and emotional conflict. They emphasize that the harm comes not from the DL identity itself but from the societal climate that forces it.
“When society becomes hostile, people fragment themselves,” Benton said. “Young men talk about living two lives, feeling pulled in opposite directions—wanting connection but fearing exposure. That kind of dissonance can lead to anxiety, shame, and burnout.”
Researchers say the rise in DL behavior among young men mirrors broader patterns seen in communities that experience high levels of stigma or cultural pressure around masculinity.
“This isn’t about promiscuity or manipulation,” Benton said. “It’s about survival strategies shaped by trauma, fear, and social expectations.”
A Call for Support
Advocates urge schools, community organizations, healthcare providers, and faith-based institutions to expand support systems for young LGBTQ people, noting that the current social climate requires renewed attention.
“Young men were told they were growing up in a more accepting era,” Mays said. “But many say they feel less safe now than ever. Until society becomes a place where masculinity and queerness can coexist without punishment, the hiding will continue.”
